Confessions of a Sleepaholic

If somebody were to ask me what I did last weekend, I'd have one very simple answer for them: I slept. Now, a lot of the time that's just what people say when they didn't do anything particularly exciting. But I actually spent about 95% of my time in bed. I think I left my house once. For an hour.

The weird thing is, no matter how much sleep I get, I always wake up tired again. What is that about? That's not fair at all. It's like, I put in all this effort and spend my time resting up, only to have nothing to show for it? I don't even do anything that could possibly be tiring me out.

But that's ok. You know why? Because I love sleep. I love my bed and my 8 pillows and my 7 layers of blankets. I love burrowing down and shutting out the world for a while.

The other night at dinner my parents said they were trying to plan vacation stuff for this year and wanted to know what I wanted to do for March Break. I'm sure you can guess my response. I didn't say I wanted to go away or anything, oh no, I simply replied, "Sleep." the funny thing is they didn't really question it.

Maybe I sleep so much now to make up for all the times I haven't slept. When I was little I had huge issues with getting to sleep and I've always had a lot of dreams, which makes me feel more tired when I wake up. I still have a lot of nights where I get very little sleep. When I was at science school I averaged about 4-6 hours a night. Usually closer to 4 than 6, but I dealt with it.

These days I can get a good 11 hours and wake up feeling exhausted. I can spend entire days doing nothing but laying in my bed reading and napping and still wake up the next day feeling so tired. I think that if I could sleep forever more I'd be ok with that.

Imagine if our cycles were reversed. We'd sleep all the time, only waking up for (on average) about 8 hours a day. Wouldn't that be great? I think that people would be a lot nicer and they would have way less stress. Don't you agree?

Man, just thinking about sleeping this much makes me tired. Nap time...

UPDATE: 
Ok So I actually wrote this like 2 months ago, maybe more... You'll all be happy to hear that my relationship with my bed is just as strong as ever. I've spent the last god knows how many Saturday nights in bed. I realize how pathetic this is, yes, especially considering one of these Saturdays was St. Patrick's Day, but y'all can deal with it cuz I'm (mostly) ok with it!!

Are you guys tired of hearing about my weird lifestyle choices yet? I mean, I probably won't stop talking about them if you are, but it would be interesting to know what you think.

To Try or Not To Try? That Is the Question

So I'm one of those awkward kids who sit by themselves at parties and usually spend their weekends at home by themselves with a whole lot of food and streaming movies online (totally not what I'm doing this weekend). You'll need to keep this in mind to see the contrast in the next situation.

So I'm sitting outside of class waiting for it to begin so I can get it over with and go home. Also, I was hungry. So I sit against the wall and try to be away from other people, however more people begin showing and they begin to start to sit in my general vicinity. Not impressed. We're all sitting there silently, as it should be, when one fellow from my class begins a conversation. He says hello and he's very friendly. He even notices that we almost form a circle and then suggests that I move away from the wall and in closer to the group and complete the circle.

What the hell. Okay, I know I should not be mad for someone trying to include me, but the thing is, you can't politely decline joining other people. So I was forced to interact socially. Now, this fellow manages to keep the conversation going, even as I mostly just stare at my shoes and glance at the classroom door hoping it will open and we can just start class. However this is not the case.

Now, I start to wonder, as I look at this awkward boy who is friendly and talking cheerfully. He even mentions that he once got a pencil set for Christmas, and upon further questioning he admits that yes, that's what he wanted. The question on my mind is, Is it better to be socially awkward and try to be social or should we accept our awkward fate?

The latter is usually how I deal. Whenever I try to start conversations they usually end up very short, with a lot of nodding and then a quick exit. But somehow this kid, who always has a packed lunch (in university, really?) and sits at the front and always seems to have something to say about the readings, still manages to walk away from class having had a few conversations and what seems to be a friend. Whereas I sit at the back, usually avoiding eye contact and almost always has nothing to say, but still show up every week.

I could probably make friends if I smiled politely and started a conversation, but that's a lot of effort on my part. Is it worth the effort? Or will I just have more awkward conversations and more people who avoid the seat next to me?

So what do you guys think? Should I try? Or accept my fate?

Moustache Monday

This was on the bag of chips a friend of mine brought over to my house.

Yes, this is all you get. Now I have to go study for a test and get working on reading the 9 books I need to catch up on in the next month.

Why do These Things Happen to You?

For those of you who know me personally, you probably are very well aware of the fact that ridiculous things tend to happen to me. And most of the time, it's for no good reason!

I'll start you off with an example here, but first a bit of a back story. I tend to not wear pants at home.. now don't get too excited, I just turn into a super white girl and wear leggings with a t-shirt and a long cardigan instead. It's just comfy ok?! I don't leave the house like that. Anyways, because I tend to also be super lazy most of the time, I will just go to bed in these tights and a large sweater (usually borrowed from my brother... but don't tell him. He doesn't actually know). This was the case last night, in fact. So I went to bed in my leggings and my brother's hoodie, comfy as can be. Sometime in the wee hours of the morning, I awoke due to severe lack of body heat. I realized this was because I had somehow managed to get my sweater off in the middle of the night and was using it as extra support with my pillow. I was very confused but decided the best course of action would be to put it back on. So I felt around the collar of the sweater to make sure that the hood was in the back, and I slipped it back on and went to sleep again. This morning when I woke up, the hood was in the front. Clearly I just misjudged what I was feeling when I put the sweater back on, but really, let's just think for a second. Most of the time, I can't get a sweater off when I'm fully conscious. How the heck did I get it off WHILE I WAS ASLEEP?!

Here's another story for you guys.This one is actually quite upsetting for me, but I'll tell it anyway. A few weeks ago, on March Break, my best friend and I went on a shopping trip to Niagara Falls with my mom and my aunt. In this one store that we went to, I found this really great dress. Now, I'm not a confident person in the least, but even I could see that it looked pretty good on me, and even better was that it made me feel good. So obviously I decided to buy it. I had tried on a medium, and it fit perfectly, but there were some seams coming out so I decided I'd grab a different medium to buy. I checked the tag for the size and continued on through the store. When I got home from the shopping trip, my dad wanted to see what I had purchased, so I got all my stuff and went downstairs to show off my new stuff. It was only then that I looked at the tag of my perfect dress and saw that it was, in fact, a large. I was heartbroken! My dress, too big! We thought we'd just go exchange it, because there should have been a store semi-close to where I live, right? Wrong. The nearest one was an hour and a half away. So my mom, being nice, said we'd go after school one day to switch it out. Well if you weren't sure yet whether the universe truly hated me, here's your proof. They had just switched over all their styles and guess who had the old style of dress? That's right, this guyyyy. And to just add that cherry on top, they don't even give cash refunds, you either get to exchange or get store credit. There was nothing there that I wanted. I now have roughly $20 in credit at a store nowhere near where I live.

I'm that girl that shit just happens to. I dunno. Maybe that's not so abnormal, maybe everyone has stuff like that. But I tend to hear the phrase, "Oh my goodness, why does this stuff happen to you?" a lot.

Oh here's a good one... If you're squeamish I'd suggest you skip down to the end and try not to read this next section. Last year, when we did our dissections at Science School, my friend Danielle and I were partners, and we were working away on our fetal pig. Well, I think that pretty much everything that could have went wrong in those 2 days did. Let's just make a list here:

• Our scalpel got stuck in the skull and when Danielle tried to pull it out, the handle came off and the blade stayed in. Poor piggy had a blade in his (her? I don't remember...) skull until our teacher could come over and pry it out
• After we ruled out the scalpel, I was attempting to cut away pieces of the skull with the scissors and managed to send a piece flying across the room, almost hitting our good friend Moe.. 
• When we took out the heart, I was goofing around (there's a reason they tell you not to goof around in labs ok) and tried to make the heart beat by squeezing it... well it was a little slippery and flew out of my hand, landed on our lab bench and slid around for a few seconds before coming to a stop at the edge

And finally, the grand finale of our series of unfortunate events here. This was a 2 day dissection, so at the end of day 1 we had to put our fetal pigs back into their plastic bags and wrap them up for the next day. I clearly wasn't thinking straight when I wrapped it, though, and it came back to bite me when I took out our pig the next day. I ended up with pig juice (for lack of a better term) all down the front of my lab coat, as well as all over my sleeve and the floor. I know I looked pathetic as I wiped up the puddle on my hands and knees whilst crying. At least my amazing friends came to my rescue with lots of paper towels to shove up my sleeve! I had to wear the teacher's lab coat for the rest of the dissection... that was a little weird. 

Anyways, those are just a few of the crazy random happenstances that occur in my daily life. Hopefully you have enjoyed hearing of my misfortune haha. There are tons more, I just can't think of any really good ones at the moment. I tend to just accept them and move on, so they don't stick out in my mind, unfortunately. 

What kinds of random things happen to you guys? I can't be the only one that has stupid stuff happen to them! 

Fun Food Friday!

Today's fun food is something I am very big on. You know when people ask, "If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?" Well my answer is almost always cereal. There are just so many great things about it.

First of all, you can quite easily put cereal in a plastic baggie and take it with you to school or work for a quick snack. I find it super handy when I'm walking to/from school/work, or even when I'm taking the bus somewhere. Hell, I even take it out in class when I really want it.

That's another great thing, you can eat it with or without milk. Personally, I love milk, so I tend to drown most of my cereals, but really it's good either way. Here's a bit of a fat-kid admission for you: I often will grab a handful of cereal to munch on (munch is an odd word... Weird Word Wednesday, anyone?) while I'm deciding what my actual snack/meal is going to be.

There is a lot of variety when it comes to cereal. I'm just gonna go ahead and use the categories we had in my house while I was growing up. You have your "healthy cereals" like Corn Flakes and Rice Krispies and Cheerios. You've got your really healthy cereals, like All Bran and Muesli (who even eats that anyway? I don't even know what's in it....). And then you've got the gold mine that is "sugar cereals." You have so many options when it comes to this category. Froot Loops, Cap'n Crunch, Count Chocula (never had it, but I love the name), Corn Pops, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Lucky Charms! Walking down the cereal aisle has the potential to be very dangerous. Either I'll want to buy a ton, which is dangerous for my wallet, or I'll have a super hard time choosing, and may end up leaving empty handed, which is dangerous both to my nerves and my emotions.

Here's the thing about cereal. I figure you could actually live off of it quite easily. With milk, you get most of what you need anyway. I mean, you'd need protein (although you do get some in your milk), and there's probably a couple vitamins or whatever that you'd need to take, but other than that you've essentially got what you need. You've got your grain and dairy, and there's quite a few vitamins between the cereal and the milk.. I know I could survive.

I think cereal is completely underrated, and that people need to appreciate it a little more. I mean, think about it. You wouldn't have Rice Krispie squares if the Kellogg brothers hadn't first invented Rice Krispies! Cereal is also fun to eat out of a mug, I find. But that might just be me, because I don't like eating soup out of a mug. Mostly because I don't really like soup... But there's that! And also.. who hasn't done that thing where you take some cereal like Corn Pops (these work especially well) and tossed it to a friend/sibling for them to catch in their mouth? Cereal has the potential to not only nourish you, but entertain you as well!

I just want to emphasize my love for cereal by telling you that I usually go through a box of cereal in a week by myself. If my parents are smart and buy the "Family Size" or "Jumbo Size" or whatever they're called it'll last me longer, obviously, but just a regular box of cereal will last me one week, a week and a half at the most.I mentioned in my post about what to do when you're alone that I eat cereal for basically every meal when I'm left to feed myself. Now you know why!

Look at that, I managed a post that wasn't too confusing for once! Tell me what your favourite cereal is you guys! I am curious about these things!

Fun Food Friday! Jellybean edition

So I've always loved jellybeans. Except the licorice ones. Those ones are gross. Jellybeans are really awesome. They are tasty and you can feel like you're eating some lentils or beans or whatever. People will be like, "What did you eat all day?" and you can say "Beans" without being a liar.

However, there is a certain type of jellybean that makes all other jellybeans seem awful and terrible and not worth getting excited over. These my friend, are Jelly Bellies.

I can't remember the first time I came across jelly bellies. It might have been when my brother and I were at the train station and there was a stall that had all 49 flavours and my brother and I bought the assorted and I cried tears of happiness and sunshine. These are the greatest fucking candies in the world. They are the only candies where its fruit flavours ACTUALLY TASTE LIKE THE FRUIT. I can't find that stall anymore, I think they took it away because of renovations. Stupid renovations taking away my happiness.

Feel like eating some buttered popcorn but don't like kernels stuck in your teeth? They have a buttered popcorn flavour that tastes exactly like movie theatre popcorn without the kernerls OR the grease! They are so realistic, I get the same nauseous feeling I eat too many of them that I get when I eat too much popcorn that isn't smart food.

They have a toasted marshmallow flavour. I don't know if you're comprehending this. It tastes like someone took a marshmallow, put it on a pointy stick and held it over an open fire while sharing ghost stories and laughter and without all the smoke that gets in your eyes and makes you cry. It tastes like how every summer should.

There was a caramel apple flavour. I had the wonderful experience of trying this for the first time last week. My mind was blown. It tasted exactly like candy apples. I wanted more. I would not be content until I had more. There were only like three in my bag. I moped.

These are the only candies I've ever had that came close to anything that could have been produced by Willy Wonka. I picture Gene Wilder whenever I eat them and Violet Beauregard or whatever her name was turning into a giant purple ball. It's a good image.

I tend to avoid the blueberry flavour though.

But they taste like blueberries and not like popsicles. Although a popsicle flavour would be awesome. Like creamsicles. The red ones.

I'm going to end here before I start another rant about red creamsicles. And that is for another week my dear readers. You're gonna have to wait for that one.

Weird Word Wednesday!!

Alright kids, today's word? Blurb.

You just go ahead and take a few minutes to really taste that word. Say it as many times as you need to. Enunciated, slow, in a weird voice, 10 times fast... Do what you gotta do.

Ready to keep going? Good.

Why does it seem that every word that contains b's and u's and usually an l sound so odd to me? Am I the only one that thinks that (other than Mariah)? Maybe? In any case, I'm going to talk about it. Deal wit' it!

First of all, who even uses this word anyway? Old people maybe, or those weirdos who say things like "There was a blurb in the paper about that guy who can braid hair with his toes, did you see it?" but really, the majority of people do not use this word. I'd be willing to place quite a bit of money on saying that there is no exact translation for "blurb" in almost every other language in the world.

Secondly, it doesn't even feel like you're saying a word. It just feels like you're making weird noises, like maybe your system malfunctioned and you lost control of language for a second. Try this for me: say the word blurb repeatedly for about a minute, or even 30 seconds will suffice. Think about how you feel now, after having listened to me. You probably feel pretty dumb, seeing as I got you to sound like that. But think about the word now. It doesn't even sound like a real word anymore, does it?! What is that all about?

The last point I want to make has to do with something that maybe only I am afflicted with. Say the word just one more time, but make sure and listen to your voice as you do this. Do any of you say it with a weird accent kind of thing? Because it happens to me every single time and I have no idea where this comes from. Blurb is full of voo doo magic, apparently. The best way for me to describe to you what I sound like is to refer to dear old Nigel Thornberry from The Wild Thornberry's. Remember how he says "Blarghhhh"? If you need a refresher, here's a short clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fP4pks9CtSE. Well my pronunciation, god knows why, ends up kind of like that. It kind of sounds more like "Blarb" for some reason. Again, I have absolutely no idea how this happened. Am I completely crazy?? Does anyone else end up with an accent, Nigel Thornberry or otherwise, when they say this word?? Oh dear.

Anyways. There's your Weird Word for this lovely Wednesday. Hopefully these posts aren't ruining your verbal use of the English language. I mean, I sincerely doubt that anyone old is reading this (if you are old, I hope I have not offended you... I have nothing against old people, I promise), and if you're one of those weirdos I mentioned before, well.... Maybe it's for the best that I have (possibly) ruined this word for you. What do you guys think? Am I way off base here, or is blurb really a weird word?

Sprechen Sprachen

I feel like that title is offensive to German people. Mostly because I made it using Google Translate. I feel offensive just saying that.

Anyways.

I have this huge interest in language. I love learning new words, in English and in other languages. I love learning the roots of words I already know. It's kinda cool when you know a certain word has a greek, latin or german root. It also makes spelling a lot easier.

I wish I had stayed with French all through high school so I could at least speak conversational French. It would have made Montreal so much easier. The thing is, I always felt French was overrated. Everyone is in love with the French language. Tout le monde adore français. That probably wasn't even right. I forget how to conjugate French verbs.

French, Italian... all these languages are so adored all over North America. They are romantic languages. That's amoré! But there are so many languages I find so much more facinating that just don't get the same love.

German, Russian, Indonesian, Swahili, Cantonese... These are languages I want to learn. Sure it would be cool if I could speak more French than reciting Les Trois Petit Cochon, but I'd love to be able to read Faust in its original script. They are beautiful languages, when you hear native speakers converse (although this does not work the same if the native speaker is a power hungry dictator) you can really understand how the sounds all work together. A lot of people just think, "Ew why do you wanna learn German? Isn't Italian so much prettier?"

No. No it is not. I won't lie, when the moon hits my eye like a big pizza pie, that is amore. But it is no more beautiful than German or Cantonese or any other language.

I have a German friend of mine who will teach me words if I ask (I can currently swear and ask how you are) in German, but next year I will hopefully be taking an introductory German course in school. I started learning Indonesian before I went to Bali but I didn't get very far in my online lessons. I can mostly say greetings and where I'm from. Generally just being polite.

So here's what you can do for me reader! I would be forever grateful if you speak another language if in the comments you tell me what your first language is. And if English is your first but you're (kinda) fluent in another let me know that too! Teach me a phrase! If you only really speak English, if there are a few words you do know in another language, leave that in the comments too!

I AM HUNGRY FOR KNOWLEDGE!

Thanks in advance!

Animal Moustache Monday!

So what is one of your favourite things to do? If you're anything like me it is to avoid homework at all costs and in any possible way, but preferably with the least amount of effort. What is the best way to do this? Surfing the internet. 

What does this have to do with Moustache Monday? Just that I copped out and used surfing the internet for funny pictures as a way to make this post with the least amount of effort. So yes, this post contains pictures from the internet, none of them belonging to me. And no I did not cite them. 

ENJOY MY PLAGIARISM! And enjoy these animals with their own natural moustaches! Everyone wants to join the moustache bandwagon!

 It appears to be quite popular among birds to have moustaches. But they do look like they are ready for a fancy dress party! I will tolerate these birds for the sake of their facial grooming.

 This is one of my favourites. It was made popular by Mythbusters co-host, Jamie Hyneman. I also don't know how to spell his last name. Forgive me.

 This is a very sage wise (redundancy!) Emperor Tamarin. I would like to thank my pal Calvin for sending me this and thus inspired this long overdue Moustache Monday post.

This one is Becca's dog Raleigh, sporting a very fancy moustache. So technically this photo wasn't stolen because I got the necessary permission. ie Becca said, "Here's a picture of my dog" and I replied, "TO THE INTERNET!"

Now I have to return to reading a German play, an activity that is uncannily similar to a Game of Thrones rewatch while eating Jelly Bellies and texting your friend how much you hate Joffrey.

Happy Monday readers! Also, I'd like to thank our dedicated readers who have been coming back to check on the blog even after our two week absence. Yes, I frequently check the stats and check our views.

No promises but in the next few days I may post about language. WHAT WHAT!

Hypocrisy: Who are we kidding?

Before I start, I'd like to second Mariah's apology. She's right, I have just started a new job, but really that doesn't take up a whole lot of my time, I've also been spending probably unhealthy amounts of time in my bed. We're going to try our best to be better!!

Now I'm going to talk about something that bugs me. And I'm sure that anyone who's reading this will have lots of arguments along this twisted road, but please bear with me until I finish this thought. It may take a while, but I promise I will try to make everything clear by the end.

Hypocrisy. A hypocrite (for those of you who may not know, or who may need a refresher) is someone who acts in opposition with their beliefs or feelings on a subject. They are a contradiction to what they stand for.

Let me give you an example. Imagine that someone you know is going on and on about how they hate when their friends say they have low marks but they are getting 80's and 90's. Now imagine that a few days later, this same person gets a test back and is complaining that they "only" got an 82% on it. This person is a hypocrite. They hate that their friends do this, but they are doing the exact same thing.

I'm sure that most of you have experienced this at one point or another, I know I have.

Here's the thing, though. People lie to themselves all the time. You lie to yourself more than you lie to anyone else. You probably lie to yourself more than you even know. You think "Wow I'm such a fucking idiot, I'll never be able to get a passing mark on this project." But really, you know deep down that you're probably not going to fail it. But by the time you get your mark back (and maybe even by the time you hand the assignment in), you've already forgotten that you had this thought, so it doesn't seem to count anymore. Every day, we have all these little thoughts that could, if we let them, build into much bigger thoughts that can destroy us.

Here's the catch, though. Everyone says they hate hypocrites, they hate when people stand for something and then just act in a completely different manner. But who are we kidding? We are all hypocrites, in one form or another. I know that I'm a huge hypocrite. I always tell my friends that I'd rather they tell me the things they are dealing with than have them bottled up, and I'm hardly ever willing to do the same. I can't take my own advice. I tell other people that they deserve to have better self esteem, that they're better than hating themselves, but I can't follow that advice either. I have all these things that I hate about other people, but really, maybe it's just things that I hate about myself and refuse to acknowledge. Why do you think that a lot of people who are really similar can't seem to stay close forever? It's because they start to see all these little things in the other person that they dislike about themselves, and then they start to dislike that about the other person too.

And I'm not saying this happens all the time. I know it doesn't, because look at me and Mariah. We're exactly the same person, and I cannot picture my life without her in it in some way. Sure, we have a few differences, but we're essentially the same. And I love that about her. We've each said it, "You're the reason I'm ok with being me."

Anyways, back to my point. Hypocrisy is all one big joke. It's a cover for those of us who can't seem to just admit to the world that we have more than a few problems with ourselves. It's the same as picking on someone else because you're insecure. It may make you feel momentarily better to rail on someone else, but in the end you're really just covering up for whatever you refuse to acknowledge about yourself.

And really, by posting that hypocrisy bugs me, isn't that a little hypocritical in itself? Or maybe that's closer to the truth. Maybe people can't stand hypocrisy because they know that they are hypocrites. My, what a tangled web I have woven here.

Anyways, that is my little spiel on hypocrisy. I think I confused myself even more, but hopefully you followed at least some of what I said? If not, I apologize, I'm clearly out of practice writing these. We'll get back in the groove of things soon! Leave us some comments, let us know what's on your minds! If you have a topic you'd like us to cover, just let us know, we're always open to suggestions!

Our Apologies Readers

So we've been a little scant on the blogging lately. In our defense... we're lazy.

But in all seriousness, Becca started a new job, and I have no real excuse other than I've been spending a lot of personal time with my bed and attempting to maybe start the readings and assignments I have to do by the end of the month.

So I had no real plan when I sat down to write this blog, just that I should write something. So it's gonna be a little rambley and probably make no sense. Or have grammar.

I will post a new Moustache Monday tomorrow, and I will try to make up for this post with that. I had meant to post it last week but I got lazy and I tend to make excuses for myself to go do something else.

I don't get shit done. For future reference.

That's all for now, but I might try to post again later tonight. Or I might just eat lots of food and go into a food coma with a side of no motivation. 

Make Your Own Moustache Monday!

Alright folks, it's that time again. You got it, Moustache Monday!

I am going to explain how it is possible to make a moustache out of nearly anything you have laying around, because honestly it's such a useful skill. I have acquired most of these skills from going to school with Mariah and spending all my time with my math spare, but if you feel like trying some of these on your own, you moustache on, my friend!

One of our main go-to's was tape. We usually had some laying around, and you can easily attach it to your face after shaping it in your preferred moustache style.

Another common item was a paper towel tube. This was tougher, because you usually end up with a King Tut kind of beard going on, and you don't usually get a moustache out of it, but that's ok too.

Twist ties are a great option. They are so easy to bend into any moustache shape you desire. In fact, just a couple weeks ago (if you recall), I went to Bulk Barn with my friend. This means bags of candy secured with twist ties. We obviously weren't going to wait til we were back to eat candy, so I was holding onto a twist tie while we had that. Me being me, I couldn't just sit there with a twist tie, oh no. I had to curl the ends and make myself a moustache. I was told "Come on, it's not even Moustace Monday!" Every day can be Moustache Monday if you want it to be.

Play-Doh is also great, although a little tougher to keep on your face, and you have to be ok with the smell. I actually love the smell of Play-Doh, so this is good. My friend Bree and I made moustaches out of Play-Doh when I stayed with her in the summer, and we had a great time :)

I think I'll leave it there for now, you guys have a few options to try out. We'll revisit this topic at a later time with some other handy materials. Tell us what you guys would make moustaches out of!

Fear #2

Hey guys, ready for another fear of mine? You better be ready, cause this one I am not particularly happy about and I have a few stories that go along with it. So if you're not ready then you better get ready because you're in for a long haul.

Spiders. Yeah, you guys understand this one don't you. And if you don't, you have balls of steel. You may not want to tell people this because they'll be like, "You must have balls of steel!" and then they'll test it before you can reply that metaphorically yes, but literally your testicles (if you're male) or lackthereof (if you are female... or a eunich) are not metallic in anyway. And that will hurt, and you will cry, testicles or not. Cause that's an area you just don't want kicked.

What was I talking about again?

Oh. Right. Spiders. Fuck dem bitches.

Anyways, so spiders are creepy little buggers. I mean they have an unnecessary number of appendages and they have those mandible/pincer things on top of that. And they're hairy. I'm not a big fan of hair. On men, on women, on small or large bugs. I just don't dig it.

But here's the thing about spiders. They always show up when you are not expecting it. They're on the mirror when you go to the bathroom, on the shower curtain, on your bed, on your wall, RIGHT FUCKING BESIDE YOU. They just appear right where  they just were not. With no  warning. They just sit there and you're like, "HOLY FUCKING JESUS BABY ON A FUCKING STICK!" and you die a little inside and you run away crying. Or at least that's how it works for me.

I didsay I have a few stories that go along with this and I should probably mention. I just do not do well with spiders. I get way too freaked out by them.

So there was one time (most recently) I went to  the bathroom to do my business. I turn on the light I walk in and I'm about to take off my pants when I look up and realize there is a goddamn spider on the mirror.

I pull my pants back up, casually back out of the room without taking my eyes off of it and then quickly approached my brother about doing something about it before running off to a different bathroom to do my business. Now my brother refused to do something about it, so I was really concerned when I went back to the bathroom a little while later and could not find it. This is what spiders do. They just disappear if you don't kill them and then you start to feel like they're crawling all over you and OH GOD I CAN FEEL THEM NOW I DO NOT LIKE THIS MAKE IT STOP THEY ARE EVERYWHERE.

So what did I do about the missing spider? I did not use that bathroom for a few days. Sure it's the most convenient but I WILL NOT SHARE A BATHROOM WITH A GODDAMN SPIDER.

NEW ANECDOTE! I don't waste time with transitions. So there was another time I was in my room and I was lying on my bed minding my own business being awesome and not bothering anybody. I look up and on my wall was a huge goddamn spider. So how did I deal with it? I beat it with a styrofoam pirate sword that was lying about nearby.

Yes. I have one for emergencies such as this. Also, I like pretending I am a pirate.

Well, when I was attempting to wail on the goddamn thing, it fell on my bed and I just started to wail on my bed for a bit but I could not find it ever again. So what did I do?

I slept in the family room. Like a sane person would.

Cause I do not want spiders near my persons. Ever. YOU GOT THAT?

EDIT: Okay, so I wrote this before leaving on my trip to Bali. However I am back, and now I have another anecdote to add to this.

So it's our second night in Bali. We endured a long drive up a mountain and arrived at a little mountaintop paradise of a hotel. So we eagerly explore our villas and the hotel and are pretty pleased with what we find. So we head off to dinner full of joy and wonder. There were four of us girls in our room. So two of us were ahead, while another lagged behind with me talking of maybe hitting up the bar after a quick nap. However, the night had other plans for us.

We entered our villa to hear concerned and startled voices from the bathroom. All I really heard was "Oh my God..." and something about a towel. So I was kind of expecting a big gashing wound that was bleeding profusely all over the bathroom when we dashed in. Something much worse had happened.

Now I'm going to stop here for a moment. Look at your palm. Go ahead, take a look. Don't worry, I'm off in the land of the Internet so I can't use it to smack you in the face. Are you looking at your palm? Now imagine a fat hairy spider spanning the width of your palm.

Yeah. I know. Holy fuck.

That was in our bathroom. Just chilling on the floor like the fucker owned the place. So what did I do? I ran out of the room and let the other girls deal with it like brave warriors while I shouted words of encouragement and "DID YOU GET IT YET?" from the safety  of another room.

Fortunately, the bravest of us cornered the great Balinese Mountain Spider (it's a fitting name, I assure you) in the shower and took it down with agility and a book (books save lives yo). Thus, we skipped the shower that night and I got no sleep wondering if there were more spiders looking in the dark corners of the room.

I'm happy to announce I awoke with no furry arachnids on my person the next morning.

Fun Food Friday: The Wonders of Bulk Barn

Today is, as you know, Fun Food Friday! Today, I am going to talk about one of the most amazing places to get food. I'm pretty sure it's just Canadian, so for all you non-Canadian readers out there, I'm very sorry that you have to miss out on the wonder that is Bulk Barn.

I'm sure there are other versions of this in other countries so I guess maybe you're not missing out after all. I sure hope not because it is actually amazing.

You walk in and at the front they have their seasonal candy (right now it's all Mini Eggs and jelly beans and Easter candy), and then once you've worked your way through there, you get to the aisles. Then you have your baking supplies (ignore them), and you have nuts (keep on walking) and you have juice and stuff (almost there) and finally you arrive at candy. This is where you've been headed all along, you just walk up and down the other aisles quickly to make it look like you're browsing and - oh! Look you just happened to stumble upon candy! Or you can just make a beeline for the candy. That's usually what I do.

The hard part is deciding what you want. I almost always get the Lego blocks. It's candy and it's a toy... what more could you want? But there are so many options. Always make sure you have a game plan when you go in there though, otherwise you're going to be coming out of there with like 16 bags of candy and a very empty wallet. Sure, it'll seem like a good idea at the time, but later you'll probably feel really sick and gross, and you might regret it. Trust me, I know this from experience.

And although I've never personally done it, I'm sure it is a good place for when you need to get baking supplies or if you have a desperate need for lots and lots of nuts. They have stuff like cookies too, which is cool. Oh, and cereal. We all know how much I love cereal.

What do you guys think? Sounds magical, huh? I'm just glad the nearest one to me is half an hour away, or I would be way more broke than I already am.

Not a very nice night.

You know what is the worst. You're in deep sleep, probably having the best fucking dream you may ever have. You haven't been asleep for long yet. And then suddenly, your bladder turns against you. You have never had to pee so bad in your life. You can't even contemplate holding it in for any longer.

So you stumble to the bathroom, bumping into walls, doors and railings on your way there. It has never been such a journey before. But things are different. You have never needed sleep as much as you did now.

Anyways, we'll skip all the bathroom stuff, cause really, we all know what happens and nobody really likes reading about it. So anyways, still bleary eyed and a little blind, you stumble back to your bedroom. You lie back in bed and you close your eyes, ready for sweet sweet slumber to take you over.

But something happens. Actually, not quite. What really happens is: nothing. You aren't falling asleep. You roll over and see if getting more comfortable helps. You lie that way awhile before trying a different position. Your teddy bear (not that I sleep with one, pshh) gets shifted from in your arms, to under your head, to the other side of the bed and back into your arms again.

You lie there for hours. Time passes slowly and you check the time compulsively. You sigh and your growl and you beat your head with your hands hoping a small concussion will put you out. But nothing works. So then you get mad, and the more mad you get, the more awake you get, and the more awake you get the more mad you get. Until you enivitably give up. You are not getting back to sleep.

And this is why I am up at 7:30 in the morning writing a blog. Because 4AM is a terrible time to have to pee. And the two hours sleep I got before that is the reason that this post is a little weird and kinda terrible.

Time to get ready for school now...

Weird Word Wednesday!!

Flawed.

Just say it.

"Flod"

How weird is that? Right?? I mean, your vowel sounds go all long and you can't even help it.

Point #1:
The word "odd" is right there in the pronunciation of the word. I mean, I shouldn't even have to make any more arguments as to why this qualifies for a Weird Word Wednesday post.

Point #2:
If the sound of the word isn't enough to get you thinking about this word, there's the meaning. Imperfect. Less than adequate. Unacceptable. Nobody wants anything about who they are or what they've done to be described as "flawed" do they?

Point #3:
Say the word really slowly, and I mean REALLY slowly. Really take a second to try out each letter in the word as you say it. First you get the scrape of your teeth against your lips with the F. Next you have to press your tongue against the roof of your mouth for the L. For the AWE your face goes all fish-lipped and if you're still doing it now I'm sure you look ridiculous. Finally is the D, where you have to reign in your fish lips and bounce your tongue off the roof of your mouth really quickly.

I'm sure I've just ruined pronunciation and enunciation for you forever, but really. What is with this word? The letters take over your whole mouth, leaving you with this sense that you didn't even say a real word. How bizarre is that?

If you guys have any suggestions about weird words that you'd like us to talk about leave some comments below!!

Attention span? What's that?

Okay, so in the first post of this blog (which you can find here) we mentioned a few of the wonderous ways that proved you were socially awkward. One of these ways was wondering if you have ADD, ADHD or OCD.

Acronyms are pretty key to social awkwardness. See: LOL.

Now as most of you know, ADD stands for attention defecit disorder, ADHD stands for Attention Defecit Hyperactivity Disorder and OCD stands for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Now I don't know much about any of these disorders, so that puts me in the perfect position to self-diagnose. Especially when I have Google at hand and a most probable case of being a hypochondriac (it sounds much cooler than it actually is). So I can pretty much be sure that my diagnosis will be entirely accurate.

I have reason to believe I must have ADD or ADHD. I can not focus on anything for too long. In the amount of time it has taken me to write this much, I have checked Tumblr several times. The only reason I am really writing this is I'm have a case of I-Can't-Get-The-Fuck-To-Sleeps and there's really not much else to do at 3AM.

My attention span is to the point where I can't read long blocks of texts anymore. Even if I want to. I can't keep a conversation going for very long. I tend to change topics. Those who know me well, know I digress a lot. It makes for interesting conversations. I also zone out if I have to listen to anyone for any amount of time without being really interactive with them. Ie Lectures. Even when I like my lectures, I realize part way through my professor's voice has become that of adults from Charlie Brown.

Bwah bwah bwah bwah bwah bwah bwah bwah

I thought this would be more interesting and hilarious.

So what happens when you have an attention span like mine? Really awkward conversations. There tends to be a lot of,

"So did you do something about it?"
"Yes. That is exactly what I just said, 45 seconds ago."
"Oh. Sorry, I tuned out about halfway through what you were saying."
"Wow. Nice. Well anyways, as I was saying--- Are you listening?"
"What? Yeah. Yeah, of course."

I'm really not, it's just really impolite to say no and walk away to whatever was distracting me from the corner of my eye.

I also get a lot of conversations like this:

Me: So I was really pissed off and I said to him-- Oh there's a squirrel over there it's so cute!
Friend: You said that to him?
Me: To who?

It can be a little frustrating at times.

So for those of you that actually have a medically diagnosed case of ADD or ADHD, what do you think my diagnosis is? Do I have it, or am I just dumb?

Moustache Envy

It seems to be an ever increasing trend for lady-folk to want facial hair, or at least for them to be envious of the ability that most men have to grow it. I say most because lets face it, most white guys in their teens can't grow more than a greasy teen 'stache. Sorry guys, it's just the truth. But back to the point. Why are girls so obsessed with this lately?

For me it's because you can do such amazing things with it. I mean, have you seen some of those pictures of men with sculpted beards?? I mean just look at this guy:

He's like "I don't care about what you have to say, I have an epic fucking beard right here"

Fantastic. Just top notch.

As Mariah talked about in other Moustache Monday posts, you can make your own facial hair of of just about anything. When we were at school we made so many moustaches out of tape, and even paper towel rolls as you can see here...

But really it's just not the same. You can shape a moustache out of tape if you really have no other choice but in the end I will never feel quite like I have a beard or a moustache. I will always have moustache envy.

What do you guys think? Ladies, do you wish you could grow facial hair of your own? Guys, what are your thoughts on facial hair? Do you want more or is it just plain annoying? Tell me things!

We all do it... Don't lie

Yes, there's a deep dark secret we all share. Something we fear other people knowing or finding out. But I think it's time we break free of these earthly bonds... Time to let it all out. Yes. I'm talking about...

Our secret desire for bad TV.

We all have at least one show that we know is awful and terrible, but we still secretly sneak into the family room to watch it when no one is looking.

For some it's reality television, for others it's MTV originals. For some it is children's shows. By this I'm referring to the new stuff that is on nowadays, not the awesome stuff that bombarded our young impressionable minds in our formative years. That stuff I am never ashamed of.

I don't know what it is, but there is an entertainment factor in the awful. Is that not the same reason that we watch really bad movies? We sit there and we laugh at them and point out plot holes and bad character development, but in the end, we're still watching them. We're still giving it the acknowledgment of its existence.

This is nothing to be ashamed of. What is important is that we don't pay them any money. They can have their ratings, but do not buy into the franchise. We should really raise our standards, so maybe eventually we'll just bury our guilty pleasures by not allowing them to exist too long.

Do not buy Jersey Shore spray tan (cause I'm sure that exists somewhere). Do not get Hannah Montana socks! Even if you get to step on her face whenever you wear them. Just do not buy into the franchise. 

But do not let this happen to good shows. Make sure they stay on until they've worn out their welcome.

But most of all, get your friends together and watch it together. What is better than sitting with friends with a bowl of popcorn and belting out whole hearted mockery at a dumb character who really would not survive in high school because, seriously, who wouldn't beat up that kid?

An Ode to Music

For those of you who know me, you know that music is such a huge part of my life. You know how when I talk about it in depth I usually end up saying a lot of unfinished sentences. i.e. "It's just so... It makes me feel so... I just... ughhh" etc. Music is probably my greatest love of all, and yes, I get stupidly romantic about it. I cannot express the depth of what music makes me feel, and I end up with lots of unfinished sentences and lots of looks from people as they try to figure out why I'm talking about music like some people talk about their significant other. Ever heard that song that goes "Music is my boyfriend"?

Here is why I think music is so important. It is so fundamental to human nature. I mean, think about it. Even if you aren't listening to a song there are so many ways that music relates to what is happening. For example, your heart beat. It is (hopefully) a constant rhythm that you don't even think about unless you've just completed some sort of strenuous activity and it's pounding like crazy. But it's this omnipresent source of rhythm and something completely steady. There is music in the way peoples' voices blend together when you're in a crowded place, and whether it shows up in melodies and harmonies, or dissonance, it's there.

And then there's actual music. It is so personal for every person. There are so many different styles and feelings. Music evokes emotions, it can set a mood, or change the mood you are in at the time. It can help you release your anger or your sadness, it can help you celebrate when you're excited, and it definitely can help motivate you when you're working out (I'm assuming this, I wouldn't actually know...) or when you need to clean. Music can energize you or calm you, comfort you or take you to a different place completely. All of this from a few notes strung together. Isn't that amazing? I could go on and on, but I think that gives you an idea.

Finally, there's playing music yourself. I myself don't play that many instruments, I've only really played 3 with any sort of commitment. I took piano for 10 years, and flute for 4. I've just started cello this year, and I played clarinet for about a month last year just for fun. Each of these instruments has a different effect on me. Piano I always resented because of the way I had to learn, and having to practice. I haven't actually played in a while because of that very reason. Flute I don't always like admitting to because it is seen as a very girly instrument and that's not me. It also has the potential to be very high pitched and squeaky which is not too pleasing to the ear, let me tell you. But I actually love the flute. It can be so pretty at times, especially in the lower register. Clarinet was fun, but it was a lot different than flute. I didn't really commit to clarinet, but if I had the chance to play it again, I would. And then there's cello. I find cello to be an absolutely beautiful instrument. It has such a deep timbre, and everything about playing it is so intimate. There is something very human about the cello, and as new and different as it is to me, I have fallen in love with it completely. I feel so much playing music. I get completely lost in it, and there is nothing that compares to it. You have the power to create something or at least recreate something, putting yourself into it completely. There is so much freedom and beauty in playing music. Again, very difficult for me to explain it in a way that does it justice. Unless you actually play music, you don't know what it's like.

This has been a very different blog post from those previous, and I hope I didn't freak you out too much with all of this. But I honestly do believe that music is one of the most important parts of life, and I hope you do too. I'm sure I will revisit this topic a few times in the future, so if you connected with any of this, there will be more! And now comes the audience participation section! What instruments do you guys play? What kind of music do you listen to? Should I stop talking about how music makes me feel and just get some cats or something? Leave me comments to read please! Mariah is gone and I need something to keep me occupied until she gets back!!

Fun Food Friday!: Hippo Hugs

Okay so I was in the grocery store with my mother one day and we're walking down the cookie aisle and this is what I see:

 

Holy shit. Brownies that are like hugs from hippos? Who wouldn't want that? Now to understand my excitement over this (although, you have to admit, look at them, they look and sound delicious don't they?) you have to understand something about me: I love hippos. I think hippos are amazing. Are they my favourite animal? No. I don't pick favourites. I'm not my mother (Hint: the favourite isn't me... lol jk it totally is xD) 

Anyways, I am a huge fan of hippos. I even gave one of my best friends (we share the hippo thing, after a very interesting story in which he was featured involving man-eating, alien, giant hippos attacking earth was told on the phone) not one, but two origami hippos. On separate occasions of course. Also, someone has to give me points for my amazing run on sentence above. 

So seeing these were amazing. However we did not pick them out. Now fast forward a week or two. Or three. (What's time? I don't even know) I'm unpacking groceries my mother bought, which included snacks I could pack for school (yes, I pack a lunch for university. I'm cheap). And I saw them. I was astounded. I was amazed. I was excited.  

Here's what the brownie looks like (they are individually wrapped too!):

 

Okay, yes, it does sort of resemble a turd. Don't ruin my life. Anyways, I'm blaming the lighting on that one. They actually look like how they are on the box (for once!). And they are delicious. You know, for store bought individially packaged brownies. Whatever I'll still eat 'em.

That's me making a beard with my brownie. I look a little stoned. And orange. Stupid light. I'm brown. Naturally. Anyways, that was the last one in the whole house. I have no more. :(

Dear Readers

I think it is time we had a little chat.

Mariah and I can see how many people look at our blog every day, from where, what browsers you use, everything. We don't know exactly who you are, obviously, but we know you are out there. We know you are reading these posts.

SO WHY DON'T YOU EVER REPLY TO OUR QUESTIONS???

Out of all our published posts, we have a total of five comments. Five!! That's pathetic. We are working our butts off to get these posts out for you and be all witty and whatnot, the least you can do is help us out! I'm not saying you have to be stalker-ish and comment on every single thing we post, but a comment here and there is always helpful! We want to be your socially awkward internet friends!

So please. If there is anything you want to hear us rant about, or talk about, or share our opinions on, LET US KNOW!! We really do want your feedback.

Oh boy, now I sound like I'm begging for it... Just answer some god damn questions once in a while.

Weird Words Wednesday!

So I don't know about you, but there are certain words that I do not like. Just because of how they sound. Not what they mean. Just how they sound.

And one of those words is squat.

I mean, just look at it! it's all like skwaawwt. That's how you say it. Phonetically. Or you could say it like skwaaat. Which is worse and you should never ever do it. Ever.

Just say it. I don't care where you are, who's with you, just do it. Squat. Feel what your mouth does. Be very aware of it. It's like you're ribbeting, doesn't it? That's the sound a frog makes. If you think about it, imagine some squatting. Now use the word squat as the sound effect for the action. Doesn't that just make it seem gross?

Besides. Nobody likes to do squats. You just look silly.

HEY GUIZE!

So I have some very exciting news for you if you didn't already know. Tomorrow I am leaving for Bali! I'll be gone 10 days and I come back on the 26th. It's for class and I'm very excited because I'm pretty much part of 1% of my class that actually gets to go.

So what does this have to do with the blog? Not very much. I plan to have posts pre-written so that it'll still be updated. If you've noticed the last little while probably has had more posts than normal and it will stay that way until I get back. That's because there's an actual schedule now and as soon as I get back, it'll probably go back to posts being written the day of.

Anyways, I'll try to post some pictures and let you guys know about it when I get back.

I'd love to hear from you when I get back :)

Valentine's Day

So I'm sure by this point that you'd probably expect some big rant from me on Valentine's day, but unfortunately that's not what you're going to get. Sorry if that disappoints you, but that's just the way it goes.

Personally, I don't get the big deal, from either perspective.

You always have these people who are in a relationship and they're looking forward to it because for some reason they need a special day to tell their significant other that they love them. Why can't you do that every day? Why do you need a reason to buy your lady flowers, or to draw your man a cute picture inside a card or letter? If you really love them, shouldn't you be able to do that any day?

I find it kind of sad how big a deal this day is. I mean, when you were little, it was just fun to make those little mailboxes out of paper bags and hang them on your desk to get free candy and funny notes from the people in your class. But now that I'm older, that's not gonna happen! I'm not gonna get 30 valentines and a shit ton of free candy! Maybe some candy from teachers but that doesn't really count. But you know what? I can deal with that.

What I can't deal with is listening to people who are single complain about how lonely they are on Valentines day. Umm.... I'm pretty sure that if you're lonely on Valentine's day, you're lonely every other day too, so why are you complaining about it now? It's not going to change anything. If you want your perfect fairy-tale Valentine's day, then go get it! You march right up to your crush, kiss the shit out of them, and tell them how you feel! Too scared to do that? Well then stop complaining, because I don't want to hear it.

You don't need to be in a relationship with someone to be happy, do you? I hope not, because I think that people are way better than that. Don't get me wrong, relationships can be great, but you shouldn't have to rely on that to be happy. There has to be something in your life that makes you happy other than one particular person. Like... don't you have some hobbies or something? Or some friends? Even if you don't have either of these things in your life, which I know you do, you can't get all depressed because it's Valentine's day.

Really. Why is it different from any other day? Those of you who are planning to be upset, using the reason "I'm going to be seeing so many happy couples, and it will remind me of how alone I am" is not going to fly with me. Chances are, you see those same happy couples every day and don't give it a second thought. Why start now? Just keep on walkin' because I know you are better than making yourself sad thinking about the fact that you aren't in a relationship.

All of this being said, I do hope that everyone has a great Valentine's day. But only because I really hope that you all have a great day every day. If you can come up with a decent reason as to why you're upset on Valentine's day (it must pertain to love, other factors don't count!), feel free to leave it in the comments below!

Moustache Monday!

Want to make your own moustache? Not satisfied with last weeks materials? Well here's all you need to give yourself or whatever you like a very convincing moustache:

 

Need proof?

 

Bam! Don't I look foine with this moustache? Looks like I grew it over night!

But your own face isn't the only thing you can make snazzy with this beautiful 'stache! Here are a few more examples!

 

Damn computer, if you weren't already my boyfriend, I'd be hitting on your all night long.

 

This faceless mask really needed some snazzing up. Now it's all fixed! 

 

Well this tourist monkey now would fit in at any Gentleman's Cigar Club. I really want to go to one of those. I don't even really know what it is. I just know it's where I want to be. 

 

This was made to have a moustache!

Look how happy this tissue box is to have a moustache! It's grinning from ear to ear!

Send us some pictures of things you like to put moustaches on! C'mon. You know you want to. If you need any information about how to contact us, leave us a message in the comments and we'll come up with a solution, lickety-split. Yeah. I said that. Deal with it.

Fun Food Friday: Bad First Date Foods

So one of my friends and I have this ongoing conversation about foods that would not be ideal to order while on a first date. They are numerous, let me tell you, but I'll just cover a few here tonight.

1.) Salad. Ladies, you may think that ordering a salad is all high-class and is going to make it seem like you actually care about what you eat, maybe even like you are one of those super healthy sticks who can eat something like a salad and be satisfied, but you are wrong. You're going to end up with greens that are too big to put in your mouth, so you're going to have to either be a freak and cut your salad or you're going to have to try and shove in a giant leaf while keeping up the conversation and not smearing dressing all over your face. And if, by some miracle, the greens aren't too big, they'll probably get stuck in your teeth. Then what? You'll be picking at your teeth (not attractive) or you'll just carry on and not notice, and then he is not going to want to kiss you, much less go on another date! Just stay away from salads.

2.) Soup, any kind. This goes back to my rant about loud eating. I don't care who you are, but even the most god damn attractive person on the planet will not seem attractive while they are inhaling their soup making those god-awful noises. And chances are, you are not the number one most attractive person on the planet (no offense, just statistically speaking) so if they can't pull it off, neither can you.

3.) Chinese food. Now, I'm a huge fan of Chinese food. I love me some sweet and sour chicken, but do you know how awkward that is to eat, especially on a first date when you're hyper-aware of every little thing you do? There's the version of sweet and sour chicken that comes with the sauce already on, which again poses the problem of getting sauce all over your face, or there's the version that I usually end up with that's chicken balls with sauce on the side. This is almost worse. It seems weird to me to cut up this particular food item, so I usually attempt to just down it in one bite. Seems like a bad idea, but I never seem to learn. It usually results in me having my mouth packed with chicken and not being able to speak for fear of spitting chicken everywhere. Now, imagine if I did that on a first date. I think that would tell the poor guy everything he needed to know, and I would not get asked out again.

These are just a few of the foods I would suggest staying away from. However, if you have no choice but to indulge in one of these options, feel free to take some advice from me:

• Napkins are your best friend. They make sure that your face is clean, and they can also help hide the fact that you may have taken a bite that was slightly too large. I use napkins all the time, trust me, they help
• Ladies, carry some floss in your purse. I know, it seems extremely strange, and I would probably talk about someone who was flossing in the bathroom, but think about it. If you have spinach in your teeth and you can't quite get it out with your fingernail, you could be in the bathroom for ages, and that doesn't send a great message to your date either. A couple quick swipes with your floss and you'll be good as new, I promise
• Just cut up your food. It's weird, but it's probably better than having it all over your face. Also there is less of a choking hazard if your bites are smaller. I know this one from experience..
• Make sure there is a lot of conversation. If you have your date focused on conversation, there is less chance that they will be paying attention to how you're eating. 
• The bathroom is always a good last resort. Make sure you go in before you leave to make sure that you have nothing in your teeth or on your face. 

And if you don't think any of that will work, then maybe you should just go to the movies or something instead. It's a lot safer, food wise. 

The Greatest Menace.

Okay, there is something I need to say.

Baby animals (how did I manage to pronounce it aminals in my head?) are a menace!

How could something so adorable and unthreatening be a menace, you ask? THAT'S EXACTLY IT!

So you're sitting at your computer scrolling through whatever site that pleases you and your face is kinda like this: : :| but then you come across a photo of a baby animal and all of a sudden you're like: =} ^_^ :3 *flail and spasm to the floor* 

That's not normal. Things should not affect your mood to that extent. It is not cool in any way.

Like how am I supposed to be angst ridden and hate the world when I suddenly start squealing and making those weird faces where your mouth and your eyes like try to squish into the middle of your face because I saw a picture of a kitten just sit there looking adorable? I can't! That's the issue!

To prove my point, I just saw a picture of a puppy and started to hyperventilate.

Like if I was being mugged and then all of a sudden the mugger help up like a baby monkey, I'd be like "HAVE ALL THE MONEY!" and then squeal and play with the monkey until it threw fecal matter at me.

So you can see that baby animals pretty much are the most dangerous weapon we have. But maybe it could be used for good.

What if every time there was an international dispute, they just shoved baby animals in the faces of those who might declare war? They'd all go, "D'aawwwwww" and roll around the floor like a cat with cat nip. Problem solved. World peace achieved.

I just solved all the world's problems.

Inanimate Objects

Alright, so we've started going back to our original post to take a closer look at the kinds of things that make us socially awkward. One of the first things mentioned was shouting at inanimate objects. But that's not the extent of it. There tends to be a slightly unhealthy attachment to them too.

For example, just this afternoon I was practicing cello, and as I tipped it sideways on my lap to push in the end pin, the scroll (that fancy curl at the top where those pegs go in) just brushed the wall. I immediately started apologizing and saying I didn't mean it. In reality, the cello feels nothing at all, and doesn't have any way of feeling upset at the fact that I had done this. But in my mind, I had just hurt my cello, and that is NOT ok!

I think it stems from having stuffed animals or dolls or action figures as a child. I mean, I know I considered some of my stuffed animals to be my best friends (yes, I just admitted that). I slept with a Winnie the Pooh bear way past the age that would be considered acceptable, and there are still some stuffed animals that I'll pull out to cuddle with or cry into if I've had a particularly tough day. I am just attached.

But that only explains sympathy to my cello to an extent. It doesn't explain why I feel bad just crushing bottles or soda cans without a thought. It doesn't explain why I encourage my shampoo to just give me a little more, because "I know you can do it!" or why I try to comfort my phone after I drop it, saying stuff like "Shhh! It's ok, you're ok. I put your back on again, and you're going to be just fine!"

Do I get strange looks when I "Aww!" at someone's car or even a small tree or something? Of course. But hey, that's part of what makes me socially awkward, now isn't it.

Friendly Conversations

I don't know about you, but when I get together with my friends, the weirdest things end up getting said. I don't know what it is, but a conversation with a friend always ends up crossing lines than with conversations with acquaintances, family or total strangers. Maybe it's because you're way more comfortable with friends, and they're gonna make fun of you for something, might as well be for something rather stupid you said.

I can't help it. When I'm with friends our conversation end up, typically on a whole new spectrum of weird. I'm sure I'd be committed or something for the kind of conversations I have. I'm fairly certain I'd be frowned upon in many public situations if we were ever overheard.

Whether it be about people you find attractive, music, movies or just things that happen in our day, my friends and I always seem to manage to take it to the extreme.

For example, how did my friend and I manage to get from the wriggling disembodied tail of a lizard to Japanese tentacle porn? It remains a mystery to me.

Another example, my friend and I managed to describe how a good singing voice makes us feel. It went something along the lines of, "I just want to wrap your voice around my naked body."

Yes, it gets weirdly and uncomfortably sexual. Yes, improbable and probably impossible things get said.

Here's a conversation between me and Becca, the co-writer of this blog:

M: Okay, so I'm not doing the impossible. Cool.
B: Cooler if you could do the impossible, but not being crazy is better. I mean bad crazy of course. Cause gurl, you all kinds of good crazy.
M: Awww yeaah! It would be awesome to do the impossible. But then the universe would probably eat me cause it doesn't like that shit.
B: Probably. Then I'd be sad.
M: I'm be pretty sad too. Although I bet the stomach of the universe would be pretty cool.
B: Yeah, there would be some neat stuff in there
M: Maybe I'd meet like aliens and stuff. And people and things that randomly disappear. Like that one sock of a pair. Always vanishes like it doesn't want you to have matching socks.
B: I hate it when that happens. I'd try to rescue you and you could be a hero and bring everyone's missing socks back once we were done exploring.
M: It would be the greatest adventure ever!

Yes. These things are said. We do contemplate what we'd find in the bowels of the universe if we were ever consumed by it in anger.

It can get weirder. Usually there are weird sound effects, flailing of body parts and the bursting out into song and dance to accompany it. I can't truly encompass how awesome and hilarious our conversations get in one blog. Maybe one day I will be able to.

So what are some weird conversations that you guys have with your friends? Do they get stranger than this? If so share below! Cause honestly, that's the best entertainment there is.

MOUSTACHE MONDAY

So there's a lot of intrigue in moustaches right now. Every girl wants one but they can't grow them (goddamn estrogen). So what is a girl to do? Make her own, of course! 

So what are the many ways to make a moustache? Well I'll show you the ways that I have made mine: 

There's tape. Tape is your friend. You can make all kinds of moustaches with tape. And as you can see above, you can also add a beard! (Please note: When you're walking around a tourist attraction to get to the bathroom, it can cause for some very strange looks)

Hats. Lots of winter hats have these wonderful strings you are supposed to use to tie under your chin. Well that's the wrong way to use them. Go ahead, make a moustache for yourself. 

Pipe cleaner can do the trick too! This one here looks more like whiskers, but I assure you, my intent was to have the best moustache in town. 

Don't have a lot of materials? Just use your fingers! This is my famous Curly Q moustache. Okay, I didn't make it famous, but it is mine, and they are my hands, so I think that's fair. 

Got any other great ways to come up with moustaches? Let us know! If you have any pictures, be sure to send them to us :) More moustaches coming your way next week!

Things You Do When You're Alone

Alright, now before anyone gets any ideas, this isn't supposed to be some dirty post, so get your mind out of the gutter.

Have you composed yourself?

Good, then we can continue.

Now, if you're like me, and your parents tell you that they're going away for the weekend and you have the house to yourself, you get super excited. You may think, "Aw yaaaa I'm gonna have an awesome party with all my awesome friends and it's going to be so awesome!" but let's be serious, how many of us actually do that? Even if you plan to have people over you're not going to invite like 50 of them. Personally, I generally opt to stay completely alone. It's so much easier. Plus, I can get a jump start on my various solitary activities.

I know, you're all thinking, "Man, this chick is going to end up with like 12 cats and no friends," and you're probably right, but hear me out.

The number one thing I'm pretty sure we all do is crank our music. There's nobody around to complain about the volume or the lyrics, and you can sing along and say all the swear words without feeling awkward. Plus you can dance like an idiot and not be judged, which is excellent if you dance anything like I do.

Second on my list tends to be watching a lot of Netflix. I don't know why this happens when I'm alone other than that there's nobody to walk in and interrupt whatever I've chosen to watch. Nobody is gonna burst in during a sex scene to tell me that I have to unload the dishwasher or something like that.

Third is obviously eating. I don't have to eat when everyone else is hungry, I can eat whenever and whatever I want. Sure, there tends to be a lot of cereal consumed, but that is by choice! Also, it means way less dishes to clean up than if I were to actually cook. Also I can't cook...

Going on nighttime adventures is fun. There's not much to do in a small town like mine, but just going out to look at stars is good enough sometimes.

Alright so my weekends alone aren't so exciting, and if you found this to be a little pathetic then maybe use me as an example of how not to spend your weekends alone.

What do you do to fill your time when you're alone? Leave some comments below :)

Birds are EVIL!

There is a major part of my life that we have managed to avoid up until this point. And that is fear. I'm scared of shit tons of things. It's probably a little unhealthy. I'm not really going to get into all of them right now, but there's quite a few. A major one though, that I feel I have to defend, is my fear of birds.

Yes, you heard me. Birds.

You must be thinking, what's wrong with birds brah? I made you sound like a douche because THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS WRONG WITH BIRDS. WHY CAN'T ANY OF YOU SEE THIS PROBLEM?

Let's just start with a single bird. Just look at what a bird has in its arsenal:

Look at that motherfucking beak. It is curved and sharp. You know what curved and sharp beaks are good for? Eating out your goddamn eyes. No, not all birds have curved beaks, but a shit load of them have sharp beaks. So they can peck you to death.

Birds want to eat you.

Now look at these fuckers. These things are for killing. You know what has talons like that? Dinosaurs! Would you fuck with a dinosaur? No, cause it would fucking kill you. So why do people fuck with birds?

That's another thing. Birds come from goddamn dinosaurs. Don't get me wrong, I love dinosaurs, they're fucking awesome. However, would I be cool with dinosaurs flocking about all willy nilly? Just have 'em walking around downtown like they own the place? No, cause they'd eat me and use my bones as toothpicks.

Then there are the flocks. Have you seen bird flocks?

Look at this goddamn thing! Look at how many birds are just chilling in the sky! And this is just one flock. there are flocks everywhere.

Why do they need such huge flocks? I'll tell you why. These birds are goddamn conspiring. They want to take over the whole damn world and they're going to work together to do it. There is no way in hell that these birds are content with the skies. They want it all.

 Look at these fuckers! They're just attacking a plane! Why? Because they think they own it all. They think the sky is theirs and we're encroaching on their territory. Well you know what birds? We're gonna take the fucking sky! And you know what, that's all you're ever gonna have. Because I won't let you take over the world. Not on my watch.

Also. Pigeons. Have you looked at one? They're frigging evil. And they don't move when you come near them. They're like, "I'm not scared of you! You know why? I got my bretheren on my side. And we'll kill you all. It's just a matter of time."

 

Believe me now? 

Fun Food Fridays!

Alright, our third and final theme day (for now) is called Fun Food Fridays!

Since we, as math spare, are known for our eating, we thought it would be entirely appropriate to have a food-themed day. This means that we can talk about anything from recipes or cravings to food that makes you feel better when you're... under the weather... and food that just makes you happy. Food reviews, food ideas, food anything. If you guys have any suggestions let us know! Leave us some comments!

A Brief History

Alright kids, it's time to reveal our back story. If I were reading this blog, I would probably wonder where this name came from. Smart Kids Who Don't Like Math? What is that all about?

One year ago today, Mariah and I started our first day at Science School. Basically you go and you take 3 of 4 courses (you can choose from Chemistry, Biology, Physics, and math) and then you have a spare period. Amazingly, Mariah and I, along with 3 people who are now some of our closest friends, ended up with the same spare. Of course it was a little weird at first, considering we didn't know each other (Mariah and Danielle were friends before this program but they didn't know the rest of us) and we probably spent about 6 days actually using our spares for work until we gradually revealed how strange each of us is, and we became inseparable. We did everything together, and we lived in our own little world.

Here comes the important part. Ready? We had all of the Science courses, and we had math spare. All of us (except for our only male companion, Prince Ali) disliked math, but we're all pretty smart. Thus the name Smart Kids Who Don't Like Math.

And the socially awkward part? Well that is a little tougher to explain... For those of you that know us personally, you get it. The strange references and the noises and faces and just the general states of being. But for those of you who don't know us personally, go back to our first post and Mariah describes us pretty well here.

Anyway, now, a year later, we are still freakishly close, and Mariah and I talk all the time. We had been talking about doing something like this for a while, and then one day we stopped procrastinating and Mariah got us all set up.

So there you go. Nothing too exciting today, but at least you learned a little something about us. Enjoy your Thursday night everyone! Make sure to check back here again tomorrow when we reveal another one of our theme days!

Weird Words Wednesdays

Ever heard a word that just didn't sound right? That just sounds weird as it leaves your mouth? That just bothers you whenever you hear and/or say it?

Well, we're going to rant about them right here on our new theme day.

Because we like words. Except for ones that bother us, and you should all know about them.

If you have any words that bother you, leave them in the comments or something. Inform me or Becca in some fashion.

You should do it. Or I'll reevaluate our friendship.