1.) Salad. Ladies, you may think that ordering a salad is all high-class and is going to make it seem like you actually care about what you eat, maybe even like you are one of those super healthy sticks who can eat something like a salad and be satisfied, but you are wrong. You're going to end up with greens that are too big to put in your mouth, so you're going to have to either be a freak and cut your salad or you're going to have to try and shove in a giant leaf while keeping up the conversation and not smearing dressing all over your face. And if, by some miracle, the greens aren't too big, they'll probably get stuck in your teeth. Then what? You'll be picking at your teeth (not attractive) or you'll just carry on and not notice, and then he is not going to want to kiss you, much less go on another date! Just stay away from salads.
2.) Soup, any kind. This goes back to my rant about loud eating. I don't care who you are, but even the most god damn attractive person on the planet will not seem attractive while they are inhaling their soup making those god-awful noises. And chances are, you are not the number one most attractive person on the planet (no offense, just statistically speaking) so if they can't pull it off, neither can you.
3.) Chinese food. Now, I'm a huge fan of Chinese food. I love me some sweet and sour chicken, but do you know how awkward that is to eat, especially on a first date when you're hyper-aware of every little thing you do? There's the version of sweet and sour chicken that comes with the sauce already on, which again poses the problem of getting sauce all over your face, or there's the version that I usually end up with that's chicken balls with sauce on the side. This is almost worse. It seems weird to me to cut up this particular food item, so I usually attempt to just down it in one bite. Seems like a bad idea, but I never seem to learn. It usually results in me having my mouth packed with chicken and not being able to speak for fear of spitting chicken everywhere. Now, imagine if I did that on a first date. I think that would tell the poor guy everything he needed to know, and I would not get asked out again.
These are just a few of the foods I would suggest staying away from. However, if you have no choice but to indulge in one of these options, feel free to take some advice from me:
- Napkins are your best friend. They make sure that your face is clean, and they can also help hide the fact that you may have taken a bite that was slightly too large. I use napkins all the time, trust me, they help
- Ladies, carry some floss in your purse. I know, it seems extremely strange, and I would probably talk about someone who was flossing in the bathroom, but think about it. If you have spinach in your teeth and you can't quite get it out with your fingernail, you could be in the bathroom for ages, and that doesn't send a great message to your date either. A couple quick swipes with your floss and you'll be good as new, I promise
- Just cut up your food. It's weird, but it's probably better than having it all over your face. Also there is less of a choking hazard if your bites are smaller. I know this one from experience..
- Make sure there is a lot of conversation. If you have your date focused on conversation, there is less chance that they will be paying attention to how you're eating.
- The bathroom is always a good last resort. Make sure you go in before you leave to make sure that you have nothing in your teeth or on your face.
And if you don't think any of that will work, then maybe you should just go to the movies or something instead. It's a lot safer, food wise.
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