Birds are EVIL!

There is a major part of my life that we have managed to avoid up until this point. And that is fear. I'm scared of shit tons of things. It's probably a little unhealthy. I'm not really going to get into all of them right now, but there's quite a few. A major one though, that I feel I have to defend, is my fear of birds.

Yes, you heard me. Birds.

You must be thinking, what's wrong with birds brah? I made you sound like a douche because THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS WRONG WITH BIRDS. WHY CAN'T ANY OF YOU SEE THIS PROBLEM?

Let's just start with a single bird. Just look at what a bird has in its arsenal:

Look at that motherfucking beak. It is curved and sharp. You know what curved and sharp beaks are good for? Eating out your goddamn eyes. No, not all birds have curved beaks, but a shit load of them have sharp beaks. So they can peck you to death.

Birds want to eat you.

Now look at these fuckers. These things are for killing. You know what has talons like that? Dinosaurs! Would you fuck with a dinosaur? No, cause it would fucking kill you. So why do people fuck with birds?

That's another thing. Birds come from goddamn dinosaurs. Don't get me wrong, I love dinosaurs, they're fucking awesome. However, would I be cool with dinosaurs flocking about all willy nilly? Just have 'em walking around downtown like they own the place? No, cause they'd eat me and use my bones as toothpicks.

Then there are the flocks. Have you seen bird flocks?

Look at this goddamn thing! Look at how many birds are just chilling in the sky! And this is just one flock. there are flocks everywhere.

Why do they need such huge flocks? I'll tell you why. These birds are goddamn conspiring. They want to take over the whole damn world and they're going to work together to do it. There is no way in hell that these birds are content with the skies. They want it all.

 Look at these fuckers! They're just attacking a plane! Why? Because they think they own it all. They think the sky is theirs and we're encroaching on their territory. Well you know what birds? We're gonna take the fucking sky! And you know what, that's all you're ever gonna have. Because I won't let you take over the world. Not on my watch.

Also. Pigeons. Have you looked at one? They're frigging evil. And they don't move when you come near them. They're like, "I'm not scared of you! You know why? I got my bretheren on my side. And we'll kill you all. It's just a matter of time."

 

Believe me now?